The Egg, the Fire Department and the Internet

I am a griller. Always have been. And, up until recently, I’ve been a loyal user of Weber grills. Then came the egg…

I stumbled across an ad for the Big Green Egg one day while browsing an online grilling forum. Naturally curious, I started researching what this strange device was all about and was overwhelmed by the positive reviews from the grilling community on how good food can taste when cooked on one of these eggs.

For those unfamiliar, the Big Green Egg is a Kamado ceramic cooker. These things have been around in various forms dating back 3,000 years and the principle behind them is really quite simple. Create a ceramic or earthenware oval with a domed lid, build a charcoal fire in the bottom of the oval and let the design of the cooker circulate the air around the food and seal in flavor and moisture. You can cook and/or smoke things at very low temps for long periods of time (like ribs and briskets) or you can get the fire up to 600 degrees and sear steaks, bake pizzas and cook other foods that require very high temperatures. So in addition to all the added flavor, it’s a very versatile device.

I had to see one of these in person, so I traveled over to a local patio store to take a look. They happened to be on sale, so I came home with a large size Big Green Egg strapped in the bed of my truck. Let the games begin.

Big Green Eggs are fueled by natural lump charcoal. This is NOT your ordinary Kingsford Briquettes that you buy at the grocery store. This coal is blackened chunks of real wood (oak and hickory) that produces very little ash and can burn for hours. The real wood also adds amazing flavor to whatever you are cooking. My new grill came with a big bag of Big Green Egg brand charcoal and it was time to light it up.

According to the egg manual you never use lighter fluid to get your lump charcoal going, you use starter blocks which are made of sawdust and paraffin wax that you nestle in the pile of coal and light with a lighter. The blocks burn cleanly and ignite the coal. Sounds simple, right? Well, keep reading…

It was a beautiful day outside with sunny skies, cool temps and no wind as I filled up my egg with the magic charcoal, nestled my starters in the pile, and lit them with a lighter. They fired right up and started burning in the coal. 

My home is in a neighborhood with quite a few other houses around us and we border a large desert wash. The grill was set up in my back yard and remember how I said there was no wind that day? Well, these little starter blocks kept burning and then started smoking as they got into the charcoal. Huh, I thought, as the smoke kept increasing. It should start clearing up once the coal starts. Wrong. A few minutes later, smoke is pouring out of the egg, clouding up the wash behind the house and wafting through the neighborhood.

You know what happened next. Lights and sirens off in the distance start to get closer. Oh fuck, I think as the smoke cloud keeps growing. I slammed the lid of the Big Green Smoke Machine shut and ran inside the house to hide as the fire trucks rumbled down the street. The smoke slowly dissipated and the fire department eventually returned to base without finding the source, but by now I was sufficiently pissed off enough at the Big Green Fire Alarm to want to return it to its home planet and resume my blissful life of propane cooking on Weber grills.

Smelling of hickory and oak smoke I grabbed my laptop and angrily typed, “Why the fuck is my Big Green Egg producing huge clouds of smoke when I light it?” into Google. The Egghead Forum popped up as result number one. Click. I register for the forum and type the same question as a new post (minus the fuck) and await results.

Five minutes pass and ten responses appear. Response number one – call me, followed by a phone number. I dial the number.

“Dude,” says a male voice on the other end with a thick southern drawl. “I’m gonna save y’all a lot of grief and bad food in the next few minutes, so listen up.”

“I’m listening.”

“First thing ya gotta do is shitcan those starters and git yourself a blowtorch and some welding fuel. That’ll solve your smoking problem and git that coal burnin hot in under 5 minutes.”

A nice 30 minute conversation followed that answered many more questions and offered some amazing tips on using my Big Green Egg. The guy was even grilling a brisket as he was talking to me. Beautiful.

A quick trip to Ace Hardware followed and I returned with a blowtorch and the recommended welding fuel. Fire the torch up and less than five minutes later the charcoal is lit and burning cleanly with no smoke and no fire department. Three cheers for the Egghead forum!

Now, months later and I’m a proud Egghead, grilling all kinds of delicious things on my wonderful green contraption. Ribs, smoked chickens, pulled pork, seared prime beef, even pizzas have been produced in my back yard that rival food from some of the best restaurants in town. And we’ve barely scratched the surface with what this thing can do. The Weber gas grill has been retired to the cabin up north and will probably be replaced with another egg next summer. I’m a born again griller!

A thanksgiving turkey is the next challenge on the menu, so stay tuned. I got that guy’s number on speed dial just in case…