Vacation Golf

 

I love vacation golf. It’s relaxing, low stress, more fun, and best of all, different from every day golf.

Vacation golf is always played in good weather, in an interesting locale, on a new course, with different players. So why, with all of those added variables, do I always seem to play better on vacation?

You would think that playing in an unfamiliar environment with total strangers would lead to higher scores. And I’ll admit, sometimes it does. There’s the added stressors of not knowing the course, the hidden hazards, the weird breaks, and being on your best behavior that can sometimes make you tense up and play like shit. But more often than not, I play a better round of golf that’s more fun and feels more rewarding.

Am I more relaxed? Possibly. Is it because that one round of golf is usually my only task for the day (other than drinking and hopefully sex)? Maybe. Is being away from the same old same old a novelty? Likely.

So here’s a recent scenario. I just returned from a trip and shot some pretty good scores while I was gone. It’s puzzling, because after returning home, I have slipped back into my normal inconsistent play with errant tee shots, marginal iron play and horrendous chipping. And we won’t even talk about the putting. Fuck putting.

My theory is this –  there are two different golfers that live inside my body. The consistently good (relative term) player only comes out to play when I leave home. He knows how to crush a drive, or hit a tight approach shot to a narrow green, or make the perfect flop over a pond, or finish a round with less than 40 putts. His passport only allows him into 49 states and most of the world’s countries. He’s banned from Arizona most of the time.

The shitty player thrives at his home course, giving clinics on how to hit banana slices off the tee, or how to take three strokes out of the sand, or how to take a divot the approximate size and shape of a turkey platter from a perfect lie, or how to three putt from two-and-a-half-feet on a dead flat green.  In short, the home player SUCKS!

We need an exorcism of this bad player. A good old fashioned vomit pea soup, spin your head around, stake through your heart exorcism. Where can I find a service that provides that? Golf Digest? Our club pro? A golf shaman? I’ll keep searching.

There is a silver lining to all of this. A short golf vacation is on the horizon to a destination far away from home. And the good player already has his bags packed.