Togetherness
Strap in golfers, it’s time to discuss a delicate topic out there on the golf course – golfing with your spouse. For some (guys in particular) it’s a straight “I don’t golf with her and she doesn’t golf with me” policy. And, from what I’ve noticed, this comes from one of the following situations:
- The guy is a far superior player than the woman. (She sucks)
- The woman is a far superior player than the guy. (He sucks)
- They need some “alone time” away from each other. (She wants him out of the house)
Now being a guy, I can attest that I mostly play with my regular group of other guys. Yes, my wife occasionally joins us when we have an opening that fits her schedule and she can easily become “one of the guys” with both attitude and ability. But for most of my rounds, it’s a group of 4 guys playing golf and doing our very best to break each other’s balls.
“Look at how carefully he lines up that fourth putt.”
Or
“Jesus you hit your drive a long way. Too bad you can’t hit a wedge.”
Or
“Another three off the tee with power.”
You get the idea. The ball breaking is just part of the conversation. In my group, we also discuss politics, sex, cars, gossip, our swings, the weather, the club, food, and pepper in the occasional raunchy fuck joke for variety. It’s all good fun and no one takes the game too seriously. It’s usually a nice relaxing day.
Put two couples together in a foursome and the dynamic is different. In most cases, there’s a lot of conversation between the two women, and the guys play like they always do – in relative silence with the occasional joke or ball breaking comment thrown in just for fun. It can be an enjoyable day out there but it’s definitely different than an all-male group.
Where things get most interesting is when one spouse decides to offer up swing advice to the other. Now, in my case, my wife and I have a very strict rule regarding advice – UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL ADVICE BE OFFERED TO THE OTHER PLAYER WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT.
No one wants to see a full on marital blowout on the course and we’ve both agreed it’s best to keep our thoughts to ourselves.
I’ll illustrate with an example. Let’s say I have hit a point in the round where I have carded four consecutive double bogeys. I banana slice another one off the tee and turn to my wife and say, “What in the name of Jesus Horatio Christ am I doing wrong?”
Per our agreement, there is one and only one acceptable response to this question – complete and utter silence. Even if you see a glaring swing problem – like your spouse is lined up toward the other fairway and swinging like they are trying to knock down a bee’s nest – there will be silence. No commentary. No thoughtful insights. And no laughing.
This agreement has led to complete and utter harmony when we play golf together. Either person may be playing like it’s their first day on the course, but they cannot blame the other for bad advice or bad play. It works for us and keeps the peace in the family.
Let’s take another example. Last year we were paired up with another couple that we did not know. We were all cordial and polite as we set out together on our 18-hole adventure. My wife and I played by our no advice rule, but the other couple obviously had another rule. The guy had to tell his wife exactly what to do prior to each shot and what she did wrong after each shot. This included putting. And HE SUCKED! She stood there and politely listened and continued her game with his constant blathering. No “Fuck you, John” or “I’m never playing with you again, John” or “Why don’t you learn how to make a par for yourself before you become my PGA professional, John.” Needless to say, I’m sure there was no bedroom golf for him after the round.
We had a miserable day out there and have not seen them since. I wouldn’t be surprised if they headed to the divorce lawyer after the round.
These two examples are probably the extremes, as we know a few couples that play together and are completely content asking for and offering swing advice to each other. Overall though, I think the most sound advice for playing with your spouse is to let swing advice come from your local teaching pro. Then you have someone outside the family to blame for poor play.
